Thursday, July 12, 2012

I have food issues.

If you know someone who doesn't have issues surrounding food, I'd like you to introduce me to them because I think meeting someone like that is as close as I'll ever get to meeting a unicorn.

I love food.  I love it irrationally and unconditionally.  But my feelings about food are complicated.  I've been a secret eater, and a binge eater, and I've had all sorts of food-related stresses.  For about 15 years, I struggled with bulimia.  

As a side note, I think that from the outside bulimia is such a ridiculous disorder (see George Carlin's great bit about it).  But from the inside it's a real fucking bummer to have to go through.  

Here's how I am working this out for myself:  I'm just talking about it.  I'm not letting it be a giant, shadowy secret over my head.  I give voice to these dumb food issues, and I don't feel so powerless.  How's that for mud in your eye, bulimia, you jackass?

Ooh, shit.  I got all personal straightaway with this post.  Let me back up and lighten it up right here.

So, yes, as I was saying.  I love food.  I love it irrationally and unconditionally.  I love making it and talking about it and thinking about it and looking at it and eating it.  (I don't love throwing it up, but I'm working on that.  Ha!  I did it again.  Sorry....back to the crafts.)

I'm really into amigurumi.   And you'll see many examples here on this blog.  But more specifically, I love food amigurumi.  Food amigurumi is a hybrid of things I love:  thinking about and making food, and knitting cute things.  

Below is a selection of some of my favorites.  Enjoy.  But not on an empty stomach.

Felted bacon and eggs!  I don't know why but I love this one more than almost any of the rest.  I want to similtaneously eat it and cuddle it.

Half dozen brown eggs.  In a recycled egg carton.

Felted olives!  I gave these little suckers to my leading man in the last play I did.  I hope he is taking good care of them.

 Breakfast platter I made as a birthday present for my friend Matthew.

Peas!  In a pod!  This is the very first food amigurumi I ever did.

 Banana!  I'm not trying to brag, but that banana comes completely out of the peel.  Oh yeah.  I'm good like that.

Incidentally, this banana went to live with someone who was one of my idols growing up.   I'm not gonna get all name-droppy here because this person is my friend, but I just want you to know that this is a special banana.  And if you would have told me as a teenager that I would grow up and become friends with and knit a banana for this person I would've been all like, "Uh.....what?"

Blueberry pie!  Another favorite.  I love it.  I want to bury my face in it.


Cupcake.  Baby hat.  I I didn't already want to eat a cupcake.  Or a baby's sweet head for that matter.


Giant carrot!   Going into my giant mouth!

Giant felted fortune cookie.  I also went to the copy center and had a giant note made up in the style of an actual fortune cookie message (complete with lucky numbers).  I won't tell you what the note said, but if you ever run into the special girl who owns it, maybe you can ask her.

Cheeseburger and fries.  This is a fun one.  

Here's the view with the top bun off.

Red lobster.  Well, I have mixed feelings about this one.  At first I wasn't sure if I should put it in the food blog, or save it for a later animal blog.  But it's red, so it's obviously been boiled.  And I styled it like it's food.

But I would like to point out that I don't approve of boiling lobsters.  And I made this lobster before I read David Foster Wallace's essay for Gourment Magazine  "Consider The Lobster."

Milk carton.  This carton lives with my good friend Jeff, who also has a breakfast platter I did, so he's got himself a complete breakfast.

This is not the best photo, so I apologize for that.  And it was a bit of an inside joke, on top of that.  I was working on this play, and we had a bit of a rodent problem in the dressing room.  And to make matters worse, there were always always always treats and snacks in the dressing room.  People would come in and find that the half of a chocolate bar they'd been saving had been demolished by mice.

So, I felted a double-layer slice of chocolate cake, and put a little knitted mouse on it.  I like to battle gross with cute, you know?

Knitted strawberries in a recycled strawberry carton.

Knitted sushi tray, with sashimi, ginger and wasabi.


These are the greatest hits.  But rest assured, there will be many more food amigurumi coming from me.

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