Thursday, August 2, 2012

Sometimes I Knit Dirty (Potentially NSFW)

Sometimes first impressions can be quite wrong.  Case in point:  My wonderful friend Jonathan.  I've known who Jonathan is for years, long before we were actually friends.  He was part of a company of actors/writers/teachers who work with school children in creative writing workshops.  (Incidentally, the company is called Barrel of Monkeys, and they stand for everything good.)

I had this idea based partially on his boyish looks and the fact that he spent so much time working with children that Jonathan was a mild-mannered and sweet man.  Which is sort of true.  But what I didn't realize until we became friends is that Jonathan is the dirtiest of birds with one of the filthiest mouths that has ever opened.

So, what does a knitter make for an adorably filthy d-bag for his birthday?  A knitted penis, natch.





Speaking of making judgements about people based on their appearance, I really really hate having big boobs.  I mean it's been something that I have hated about my body since puberty.  In my dreams, I'm a beautifully flat-chested pixie sprite.  I even cashed out my 401K and bought myself a breast reduction 10 years ago that didn't take, but that's a story for another time.  The long and short of it is that I'm stuck with these suckers, and I'm trying to make my peace with them.  By the way, their nicknames are Big Boy and Tip Top.  I believe that the first step to acceptance is to give nicknames.

But what I still really REALLY effing hate is all the stigma that comes along with having a big rack.  Like I'm not smart, or I'm a nympho or whatever nonsense.

And as an actor, it feels sometimes like the only women we want to see in the center of a story are women with a small rack.  What the hell?  Are small titted ladies less threatening?  More interesting?  More talented?  Do we, as an audience, find fully-stacked women lacking in emotional sincerity?  I call shenanigans on this monopoly that waif-like ladies have on the ingenue market.  

Once I was in dress rehearsal for a show that I really adored.  That particular night, we had a Tony-award winning director watching - and also woman, by the way - and after the run-through, this was the only thing she had to say about me to the director, "You need to find a way to cover those suckers up."

Fuck you, lady.

Here's my 32F rack in a lightning bolt bikini top I knitted for myself.  Deal with it.




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